


Go The F!ck To Sleep

by hello-reylux (She0l)



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Accidental Baby Acquisition, Baby, Baby sitting, BenRey - Freeform, Crack, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Flash Fic, Flash Fiction, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Fluffy Ending, Humor, LMAO, Literal Sleeping Together, Millennium Falcon - Freeform, One-Shot, Reylo - Freeform, Sleep, Sleep Deprivation, Sleeping Together, Twi'lek, Twi'lek Baby, complete and utter crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-29
Updated: 2016-05-29
Packaged: 2018-07-10 20:32:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7005295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/She0l/pseuds/hello-reylux
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ben and Rey face yet the greatest challenge to their relationship: a baby that just refuses to go to sleep.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Go The F!ck To Sleep

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MnemeHoshiko (bittersnake)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bittersnake/gifts).



“Waaah.” Ben bawled. “Please go to sleep, baby. It’s four in the morning.”

The Twi’lek toddler’s giggling sounded like a thousand demons. Or that’s just Ben’s imagination. He knelt before her crib as if praying for mercy.

“Tell me the secrets of the universe, baby. Tell me the secret of putting you to sleep.”

The Twi’lek waved her pudgy purple arms at him. Then it lost interest and looked at a table, as if trying to understand what it was.

“Rey, you still with me?” Ben called.

A snore answered him. Rey had sprawled on the couch with a HoloPad on her lap. Strands of her hair buns went in different directions.

“Rey!”

“Huh? Wha-?”

“Don’t sleep on me at our hour of peril.” Ben said.

“I’m not! I’m not!” Rey sat upright on the couch. “Everything on Holonet about Twi’lek babies says they usually sleep for the whole day and night. Maybe she’s not just any Twi’lek baby? Maybe they abandoned her for a reason?”

“Not surprised. This kid’s better at torture than I ever was.” Ben moaned.

“It hasn’t beaten you at crying.” She muttered.

“Less talk, more searching.”

“I’m already going into the Deep Holoweb. Oh! What’s a Death Stick? Sounds promising.”

“We are NOT giving the baby a Death Stick, Rey.”

“I’ve been telling you for the past three hours: ask your mother for help!”

“On second thought, how much is a Death Stick? Not for her – for me.”

The baby seemed so adorable just twenty hours ago. The Millennium Falcon had picked up a distress signal on the planet Ryloth. When they landed, all Ben and Rey found was a baby in a basket. Their radar did not pick up signs of life for miles. How she got there is anybody’s guess. The first thing she did when Ben picked her up was wet his shirt with pee.

After Rey laughed so hard that she had to lean on the Falcon for support, they decided they couldn’t just leave the baby there. They brought her to the nearest village to ask if anyone was looking for a teal Twi’lek baby. No one could answer them, and the ones who did seemed like they would sooner gobble her up. When it started getting late, Ben and Rey bought baby food, drinks, diapers, everything a few motherly locals suggested they should get. Rey even found an old crib in one dusty compartment of the Falcon with the name ‘Ben’ stitched on one side. They would try again in the morning.

Except it already was morning.

“Can’t you just knock it out with the Force? Like you did with me?” Rey said.

“I don’t know how the Force would affect the mind of a baby.”

“I was fine right after. I’m sure she will be fine too. Please, Ben. Do it for sanity’s sake.”

Ben hovered over the Twi’lek. A normal person would be intimidated.

The baby cooed.

“I’m just going to knock you out, baby. Like a punch to the face.” What was he even saying anymore? “It’s completely safe. Everyone I’ve done it to has come back to the light. Well, almost everyone. I promise you won’t remember a thing. Ready?”

The baby farted.

Ben called upon the power of the dark side and passed his hand over her eyes, as if closing them.

One of her two head tentacles flicked up, like a middle finger. Then she giggled.

“It didn’t work. She’s still awake.”

Ben sunk down on the Millennium Falcon floor and spread his arms, looking up at the ceiling. He used to be Kylo Ren, Lord of the Dark Side. He had the crazy thought of just letting her freeze to death outside. He looked over at Rey and reminded himself he can’t do those things anymore. Now he’s being beaten by a baby who can’t even string two words together.

Rey stood up, “I got it!”

She strode over and showed him her Holopad, featuring what looked like a comfortable capsule made for light-years of travel.

“How about a cryogenic sleeping pod? We freeze her to sleep. Forever.”

“Sounds great. Those cost a million credits. Do you have a million credits?”

“We could steal one, Ben.”

“Rey.”

“It’s just stealing. We won’t kill anyone unless we have to.”

“Let me remind you, sweetheart, that despite our victory over the First Order and killing Snoke, the council didn’t forget the thousands of people you and I annihilated. We’re exiled criminals living with restrictions. We can’t even steal candy from a candy shop.”

“But we’ve tried everything else, Ben. Except singing a lullaby. Why don’t you try singing to her?”

“You don't know what you’re asking.”

“I’m serious. I’ve heard you sing before in the shower when you think no one’s listening.”

A flush crept up Ben’s face. He rolled to one side so Rey wouldn’t see him.

“You heard me sing?”

“Yes. Not bad.” Rey shrugged, smiling with amusement.

“W-Why not load a Twi’lek lullaby on HoloTube instead?”

Rey rolled her eyes at his easy escape. A few taps on her HoloPad and gentle Twi-lek singing rang throughout the room.

The baby stilled for a moment. Then it started to cry.

“Oh no, turn it off!” Ben picked her up again, rocking her.

The song stopped. The Twi’lek did not stop crying.

“Look what you did.”

“Me? You’re the one who suggested it!”

“I’ve had it with you!”

“What? I should just leave you and go to sleep.”

“Fine! Go to sleep! See if I care!”

“You do care! And I’m going to sleep!”

The Twi’lek screamed over their fighting. That shut the both of them up.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry, baby. We’re not fighting. Hush. Hush little baby. Don’t say a word. Daddy’s gonna buy you a Loonee bird.”

Ben’s deep melodic voice would have made butterflies quiver in Rey’s tummy, if it wasn’t five in the morning and her thoughts frayed at the edges of her mind.

The baby’s screaming died down.

Rey joined Ben. “And if that Loonee bird don’t sing, mommy’s gonna buy you a Fornax ring.”

The baby stopped wailing.

“It’s working.” Rey whispered.

“And if that Fornax ring tastes like ass, daddy’s gonna buy you a Braaken glass.”

The baby laid her head on Ben’s shoulder.

“And if that Braaken glass gets broke, mommy’s gonna buy you a Mesa goat.”

The baby yawned. Rey’s face lit up, grinning while pointing at the baby. _Are you seeing this, Ben?_

Ben nodded, smiling with excitement.

“And if that Mesa goat won’t pull, daddy’s gonna buy you a big Nerf bull.”

The baby’s eyes fluttered shut.

“And if that big Nerf bull turn over, mommy’s gonna buy you a droid named Rover.”

“And if that droid named Rover breaks down, you’ll still be the sweetest little baby in town.”

Ben placed a finger on his lips. Rey nodded.

He laid the baby in the crib and she slept on with a smile.

Taking care to step with silence, Ben and Rey stepped out of the spare room-turned-nursery.

Rey closed the door behind her.

“We did it!” Rey whispered.

Ben kissed her, “I love you!”

They managed to collapse onto their bed, curled up in each other, in the warmth shared between people who have endured sufferings, together. 


End file.
